Like the four seasons, an actor has to transition from pilot season to hiatus to episodic time to holiday nothingness. What happens when you arent even on the weather map? You forge your own storms and weather patterns. Like any worthwhile rainmaker, you decide where your precipitation will fall. I released my agent and manager four months ago. A risky move in this town. I felt I needed to fly solo for a while. Being “off the grid” has made room for a cloud of new life experiences, a diagonal move in my career path, yet a worthy one deepening my artistry. Teaching acting has opened my eyes to the infinite possibilities within a role. Art modeling has allowed me to explore movement, motive, character and expression without the dependency opon scripted words. Fashion blogging has helped me create visual stories without  boundaries or rules. Is it possible to have a fulfilling artistic acting life outside of “the system”? Absolutely. The key is learning how to “create”  your life instead of waiting for someone else to.  To discover what excites you. To let your curiosity lead you into areas that may “seem” off your designated course. To take the detours. To look behind the closed doors. To understand that there is nothing in this life that is off limits to you. Change direction, turn your goals upside down, take the risk to get out of your comfort zone. To live fully awake. Being an actress in Hollywood can turn you into a robot living repetitiously. My acting teacher recently told me that he thought that my idea of how my career should look was akin to carrying my old boyfriend’s picture in my wallet; it isn’t true or relevant for me anymore. This was poignant. Perhaps we should make room to mourn the losses and then create a new picture, something that’s fresh and has a different kind of potential. At last I am learning that what’s new and unexperienced is the real adventure and joy in life. Hollywood may be a viable option but somedays I feel I’m just too busy…

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Photo by Phil Ramuno


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